relationsith

Beauty

2007-04-27T10:46:00.000-07:00

I got this from a roommate:

Take the prettiest woman you can think of, stick her in front of any mirror, and the words (or thoughts) out of her are, "Oh, I look ugly. I don't like my skin/hair/butt." Take the same mirror and stick an overweight bald man, and his first reaction is to point at his reflection with both hands saying, "Heeeeey, looking good!"

Anecdotal, yes, but is it still true? I've realized recently that it might be true of women without exception. You think that the exceptions are the really beautiful women that seem very confident in themselves and their bodies; the women that know that they're beautiful.

Well, the truth is that those women don't exist. The women you think are that way really just have learned that other people think they're beautiful. They don't actually believe it themselves.

gay v-day

2007-02-14T12:19:00.000-08:00

I am so glad its Valentines day again. The one day when all the couples in the world pretend to be in love. I'm pretty sure that love is found only on Valentines day. The other 364 days of the year, we can all just go back to hating our partners, and planning how we can survive till next Valentines day without smothering our partner in their sleep with the decorative pillow that everyone hates. I'm so thankful that Hallmark and Sees invented this great holiday, where couples must buy each other material items in order to show how much they are in love for one day.

Because we all know it, when you are in love the only way to show it is with fancy diamonds, and a rolex.

Priesthood Lesson

2006-12-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

This is Bryant. The owner of this site has retired and probably won't be posting on this site anymore. I've been trying to get him to open the site up so that anyone can post on it, but in his post-single life, I guess he just hasn't gotten around to it. I've decided to take matters into my own hands (mostly because I wanted to post something on it today).

So, there is a new Blogger user with user name "relationsith" and password "apprentice". Anyone can log in as that user and post whatever they think belongs on this site. You are also welcome to remain anonymous. (I'm not anonymous just because I've already talked about this to people and so they'll know that it's me anyway.)

So today in elders' quorum we had a lesson that's rather common in singles' wards: "Dating and Treating women with respect" was the title. When the teacher wrote that on the board I think I let out of a moan, and I realized that it was just out of habit. As sick as I have been of that topic and of being hounded and given guilt trips about it, I thought that maybe I wouldn't mind it as bad now that I'm dating someone. I was wrong. I hated these lessons when I was single and I hate them now.

I have a lot of problems with the actual content of these lessons. I might write about that later, but for starters, I just want to point out what's wrong with the presence of these lessons.

Dating is not a gospel topic. There are related topics that could have place in a church lesson, but only if one of those things are actually tied into the gospel of Jesus Christ. Too often in these talks, though, it's not tied in at all. The fact that dating is not part of the gospel is readily seen in the way that any of these lessons are presented:

Today's lesson basically consisted of group brainstorm of what men need to be doing so that our approach to dating is correct. It was suggested by more than one person that we should treat all people with respect and that all we need to do in order to "treat women with respect" is to actually be respectful. Everyone agreed, but only to gloss over the point with the next strategy that they added to the list.

Charity was never mentioned at all, neither was loving others, not even in connection to being respectful. The scriptures were never opened. God was only mentioned once, and only in reference to treating women as "daughters of God". Even the priesthood was also only mentioned once. The context of this was that as return missionaries and priesthood holders we shouldn't swear. (I do appreciate this usage, mostly because it wasn't in the context of convincing us that dating is a priesthood responsibility. However, I think the fact that it wasn't in this context only shows how out of place the topic of dating is in a priesthood meeting.)

I realize that we're all single and that dating is a part of our lives and maybe one that we struggle with. I think it's appropriate that lessons about the gospel keep in mind our current status in life and be made applicable to it. I don't think that is an excuse to ignore the gospel all together, and I think that is exactly what we do when we try to make dating into a church lesson.

Better Off Gay

2006-05-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

It is easy to assume upon seeing an effeminate male that said male is homosexual, and these assumptions are often made, even if in jest. The easiest way for a male to prove that he is not homosexual is for him to have a girlfriend. For some reason, once the male has a girlfriend, all of his behavior, however gay he may act, is explained as personality quirks. The heterosexual relationship, ironically, makes the male more free to act gay.

The more testosterone-driven males that would otherwise be prone to mockery are dissuaded based on the effeminate's superior performance as a heterosexual, even if they remain puzzled by the apparently-gay male's success with women. The advantage the former has is (surprisingly, for some) in the effeminateness itself. As homosexuality is considered a sin by the local religion and culture, the local females have a tendency to take it upon themselves to try and "cure" the apparently-gay males by wooing them into a heterosexual relationship.

The result of this is that the easiest way for a male to win the attention of some local females is for him to act in an ambiguously-gay manner. So, whenever a heterosexual male notices (perhaps with some degree of jealousy) an effeminate male that has no trouble finding a girlfriend, he should remember that the situation only serves to prove that he would be better off gay.

Dating Communication

2006-01-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

Married people often go off about how they wish there weren't so many "games" in dating, and that people should just tell each other that they like each other. Their advice to do so, as any single person knows, is ridiculous. This is because the married people have forgotten what it is like to live in an environment where there is no guarantee of returned affection: when a married person says that he/she loves his/her spouse, the person has confidence that the feeling is mutual.
Despite the uncertainty and resulting insecurity in dating, it is undeniable that the experience would be less painful if a person knew when another liked him/her. This does require communication, and it is important for males and females to realize their roles in this in order to make it universally reliable.

Roles

The role of the male in dating communication is to "make the move." This means that he must initiate interaction between himself and the female that he is interested in. The female's role is to reciprocate any welcome interaction, usually by repeating whatever action the male initiated or something similar to it. This basically serves as a green light for the male, letting him know that he's welcome to make the next "move." Males that continue to "make moves", or to try to increase the level of the relationship, without receiving this green light, will usually be considered too forward and presumptuous, and will find themselves faced with frequent rejection.

Examples

To show that these basic roles in dating communication are present throughout the whole relationship, a few examples are presented:

A boy makes eye contact. The interested girl smiles at him.
A boy asks a girl for her number. If she wants him to call her, she'll give it to him. If not, she makes some excuse.
A boy puts his arm around a girl. If she's interested, she leans into him. If not, she leans away (a subtle way to have him remove his arm -- unless he's a retard).
A boy holds a girl's hand. If she likes that, she'll squeeze it back.
A boy moves in to kiss a girl. If she likes him that much, she'll kiss him. If not, she'll turn away.
A boy asks a girl on a date. If she's interested, she goes with him. If not, she tells him no (and if it is with an excuse, she makes it an obvious one so that he will get the hint).

There's some misinformation regarding this last one. For some reason, the female of the species has been trained since preadolescence that it is inappropriate to turn down a date, especially a first date. This is simply not correct. A female should no more do this than she would expect a male to insincerely propose marriage. Either party, male or female, should stop participating in their role as soon as they are no longer interested, or not interested to the level of relationship implied by the next action.

Hopefully, if males and females realize their own roles in dating communication, then both parties will know how the other feels and no one will be put in situations where they are uncomfortable. Maybe, someday, somewhere, someone will even be happy.

Things that girls shouldn't say

2005-12-28T21:28:00.000-08:00

These are a few things that a girl should definitely not say to a guy that she is not interested in dating.

I told my parents that I have a crush on you.
What are you doing this weekend?
I could see myself living in [insert boy's home state] someday.
You're my best friend.
I want to meet your family!
I wish you could just go to [insert place] with me.
I just had a glimpse of what your kids are going to be like.
I hope you're still around when I get back from [place].
I wish I had a boyfriend.
You're amazingly attractive.

Despite how obviously torturous it would be for a boy to hear these teasing statements from a girl that has no intentions towards him, girls often say them. It is only further evidence that girls are evil.

Princess type

2005-11-06T16:53:00.000-08:00

The princess is a type of woman who has less love to give than she has to receive. She takes no joy from loving someone, only from being loved by someone.
For the princess, an outward expression of love has no value of itself, but becomes a tool that she uses to win the inbound love of others. There are several results of this.

The man whom the princess loves the most is that man whose love she most wants in return.
If the princess succeeds in obtaining the love of a man, she has no need to continue loving him.
The man who already loves the princess can never be loved in return.

Three Laws of Affection

2005-10-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

The following observations should help keep expectations low enough to avoid embarrassment. They have not yet been proven, but they hold empirically.

Flirting from a person does not imply affection from said person.
Perceived affection is in no way related to actual affection.
Affection received from a person is inversely proportional to affection given to said person.

We'll always be friends?

2005-07-12T01:43:00.000-07:00

Recenlty I have heard alot about the potential for people to remain friends after a break up....LIES!!! We are only fooling ourselves when we subscribe to these childish dreams. If you stop to think about it, it is virtually impossible to remain friends no matter how "mutual" the break up is. You need proof? OK lets think about it....
Casey and Bethany are dating and for some reason Bethany breaks up with Casey. Now the only reason that they aren't dating is because Bethany doesn't want to. If she wanted to... They would still be dating. So they are just friends....NO! Casey wants to be more and the reason that he is only her friend is because he still has ambition for something to happen. If that weren't the case Casey would've broken up with Bethany, not the other way around.
Now having said that. It is true, 1 out of 1,000,000,000 couples (actual statisic) can remain friends post break-up, we call that the diamond in the rough. So given the odds of that happening why is everyone so conceded as to believe that they are the 1:1,000,000,000. It would be a much safer bet to assume that your "friendship" is destined to fail and just give up. I know that it is a hard thing to swallow but you can't argue with the numbers.

proof

2005-07-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

Recently I have been trying to "decode" the seemingly irrational thought process of women. I concluded that not only are women not rational but they also lack the sense of logic that we, as men, assume to be normal. They just can't grasp the simplest concept even when it is explained to them using examples from their own lives. For some reason the most difficult concept for women to grasp is the x-factor dispite hours and hours of conversation they just can't accept it.

The other day I was kind of tired of trying to explain all of this with plain logic and I stumbled across a web site of someone who had explained his lack of girlfriend with math. Now many of you know that I love math and that I often look toward math to explain real world experiences. Although I found it to be quite depressing I have to admit that the numbers all add up. So for those of you who don't have a girl friend: the odds aren't in your favor. mathmatical proof that you are a loser

the X-Factor

2005-06-28T00:16:00.000-07:00

Girls are ridiculous. They hang out with guys, call them, flirt with them, and then they get angry when the guy tries to make a move. Girls just don't understand that guys interperate niceness as flirting. Why? Because of the X-factor. What is the X-factor? It is the reason that guys hang out with girls. You can ask anyone (boy or girl) who is more fun to hang out with: a group of boys or a group of girls. 99.9% of the time the answer is boys. So if guys are more fun what motivation do they have to hang out with girls? There must be something that girls can offer that guys can't. Hmmm...What could that be? The only reason that guys hang out with girls is because of sexual intrest. The intrest isn't always for the girl herself, sometimes it is for friends, roommates or even a sister, but the point is there is always an alternitive motive. I know that girls don't want to hear it but theyneed to get it through they heads. Giving out phone numbers is considered flirting. Calling "just to say hi" is considered flirting. Calling (period) is considered flirting. I'm sorry. I know that you don't like to hear it but it's true. If you don't believe it, You're wrong.

Settling

2005-06-16T00:15:00.000-07:00

If you live in provo I know that you have heard countless lectures about courtship and marriage. They always talk about the same major points. What always strikes me as odd about these talks is that they talk about dating as if they are REMINDING the men about it...because we don't think about it every 7 seconds anyway. The problem isn't we are forgetting to date. The problem is that we don't like our dates (or they don't like us). The next part of the lecture is about the people who getting too "old" for Provo. "Why aren't you married?" If you think about it the question is retarded. They aren't married because the haven't found someone that they like enough. Inevitably someone will say "you aren't married because you are to picky!" What the hell is that supposed to mean. Should we SETTLE on someone that we kind of like. If we did that we would regret it the rest of our lifes. How would like to be the person that was settled upon? "My wife/husband didn't think that he/she would do any better..." Not me. Call it picky if you want. I call it self respect.

the Cause

2005-05-11T02:13:00.000-07:00

Honesty. Thats it. The principle flaw in relationships today is the lack of honesty. Whether or girls realize it or not they are taught to lie from their youth. Don't believe me... what about when they are told never say no when a boy asks them on a date. Harmless, right? Wrong. This leads to pity dates. Pity dates lead people on. Being lead on leads to pain.

The revelation

2005-04-12T14:41:00.000-07:00

Since the begining of time it has been taught that pain and suffering are part of relationships; part of finding the "ONE". But tell me, where in modern day teachings can this "doctrine" be found ...NO WHERE. Love shouldn't hurt. That is the stupidest thing that I have ever heard, if love hurt why would we want it so much. You wouldn't want a kick to the face, would you? No, because it hurts. The idea of longing for something that will only hurt in the end is stupid. Nothing else, just plain stupidity. The myth that anguish is part of dating is the biggest lie in Provo culture. It is through this lie that hundreds, nay thousands, of lives have been ruined. It is time to change. It is time for balance.